ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
