My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
