i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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