If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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