batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
