found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
