are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
