She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
