I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
