ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
