It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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