Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize