My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
