He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
