when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
