my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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