Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
