i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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