My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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