She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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