We won't sleep together?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize