Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize