Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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