if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
