No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
