I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize