Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
