I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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