oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
