I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
