its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
