I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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