I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
