maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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