Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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