i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
