I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
