I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
