Need sex. Gaining weight.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
