No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
