I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
