Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am naked and annoyed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
