Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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