Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to calm my uterus...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
