end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
