We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
