Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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