I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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