I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
