I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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