First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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