Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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