we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
