Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
