Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
