yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
