im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
