they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize