And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
