look no pants
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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