Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
