the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
