chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
