I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
