I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
