girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
